Whether the engagement ring is something the proposing spouse has shopped for or is a family heirloom, the ring is very often at the center of the proposal and engagement. You only have to look as far as social media to see pictures of proposals and focused and up-close pictures of the ring. In Hollywood and in real life friends and families of the person who was given the ring spend time oohing, aahing, and gushing over the perfection of what society has decided is the perfect symbol of the betrothal. Everything is wonderful if the marriage actually takes place and the ring continues to be worn by and owned by the recipient spouse, but what happens if the engagement is called off? Who gets the ring? Does the recipient spouse keep it or is it given back to the giving spouse? The short answer is that there is no good answer to this question in North Carolina (because there have not been any appellate cases dealing with the issue) but other States have dealt with this question and from what has happened there we can make good arguments to be made on both sides of the issue in North Carolina.
Many States consider an engagement ring to be a gift in contemplation of marriage. That is, the ring is given because the parties are getting engaged and the giving of the ring is an offer of marriage, and the accepting of the ring is an acceptance of the offer of marriage – kind of like a contract. So, what happens if the contract is not fulfilled, and the parties don’t get married? It seems that in most States that have dealt with this issue, the answer depends on how and why the engagement ended. Some States have said that if the party who received the ring is “at fault” for the end of the engagement, then the ring has to be returned but if the giving spouse is “at fault” then the recipient keeps the ring. That seems pretty simple, right?
Unfortunately, things become more complicated because States will also look at where the ring came from and whether the ring could be interpreted as a gift that is not a part of the engagement process. For example, if the ring was given at Christmas or on a birthday, there is some argument to be made that the gift was in part attributable to that gift-giving holiday and not entirely associated with the engagement. Another issue arises if the ring is a family heirloom as opposed to a newly purchased piece of jewelry. Courts seem reluctant to allow the receiving party to keep a ring that has been in the giving party’s family regardless of which party is “at fault” for the end of the engagement. The most recent decision on this issue comes out of Massachusetts. The ring at issue in that case was a $70,000 diamond ring that was given with a proposal in 2017. After the engagement, the prospective groom was undergoing cancer treatment, and the prospective bride was said to be unsupportive while he was undergoing treatment and so he became suspicious that she was seeing another man. He then found messages from another man on her phone and confronted her. She said the other man was just a friend, but he did not believe her and so he called off the wedding. There was then a lawsuit over ownership of the ring. The trial judge said that she could keep the ring because he was at fault in calling off the wedding due to a mistaken belief that she had been unfaithful. Then an appellate court overturned that and said he should get the ring back – their decision was based on their belief that the fault-based approach was outdated and that the State should move to a no-fault approach. The case then went to the highest appellate court in the State, and they ultimately decided that he should get the ring because the ring should be seen as a conditional gift and if the condition (marriage) does not happen then the ring should go back to the giver – regardless of fault.
It’s not clear what would happen in North Carolina, but from what the Massachusetts court said, the majority of jurisdictions that have decided this issue have switched from a fault-based approach to a simple ‘the ring goes back” approach and so, in my opinion, if confronted with this issue in North Carolina, it is likely that the courts here would conform with what the majority of States are doing and would agree that the ring goes back to the giver.
