If you are contemplating separation from your spouse, you may be wondering what, as a practical matter, you need to do to ensure that you remain knowledgeable and fairly treated throughout the process. There are steps you can and should take before starting a separation to help ensure the best possible outcome.
My first piece of advice is, unless your life or heath, or the life of health of your child, is in danger, do not move out of your shared residence before you talk to an attorney. Even if a property is jointly owned or jointly rented, once a spouse moves out, there may be restrictions to that spouse coming and going from that property without the consent of the spouse who remained in the house or without a court order allowing return. So, make sure that you consult with an attorney before taking the step of actually moving out of the home.
There are some other practical, tangible things that you should do before separation and, preferably, before your first meeting with your attorney. The main steps I recommend taking are as follows:
- Make sure that you have a good understanding of the cash flow in your household and gather documents relevant to showing that cash flow. Usually that will mean making sure that you have access to online banking accounts and that you have copies of bank account statements, mortgage statements, credit card statements, pay stubs and/or W2 statements, and tax returns. It is important to gather these documents before separation because once you have separated, if the other party is the only one with access to this information, they can possibly change the access permissions for online access and can withhold documents until you go through an official discovery process in court.
- Make an itemized list of your assets and debts so that you have a good understanding of what you own and what you owe. You may think that you can call to memory everything, but the reality is once you move out you may not remember everything in the home, and you may not be able to get back into the home to create an inventory. If possible, it’s a good idea to go through the house and take a video or pictures of everything there. For nontangible assets and debts, such as bank accounts and mortgages, make sure you know the financial institutions in which money is held and the debtors to whom money is owed.
- If possible, set up your own, separate, checking account and credit card account. If the only accounts you have are joint with your spouse, once you separate if the other spouse can potentially withdraw all the funds from the joint account or can take your name off of a credit card as authorized user and you would have no access to funds or credit.
- Check your passwords on all your online accounts and on everything associated with your phone. If your spouse knows your passwords, they can log into your email accounts, your social media accounts, your cloud accounts, and even your voice mail. I once had a domestic violence case in which my client had saved threatening voice mail messages from the other party, but after she filed her lawsuit, he logged into her phone voice mail account and deleted the messages.
- Set up a separate email address and mailing address. Even if you change your email password, it is possible that your spouse can guess your new password and gain access. You will need confidential ways to communicate with your attorney and having an email address and a mailing address that your spouse does not have access to, and has never had access to, can help ensure your communication cannot be accessed.
This list is in no way an exhaustive list of all of the steps that I recommend you take when deciding to separate, but it includes some of the issues that have the most potential to cause problems if you do not address them. If you are considering separation, the attorneys at Collins Family & Elder Law Group can help advise you of other ways to work toward the best possible outcome.
